I've been spending a lot of one on one time with my mom in the last few weeks, during her flare-up with her back and leg. I've learned a few things too. I've learned that my Mom isn't as strong as I thought. What I mean is, she is getting weaker, right before my eyes. It's been hitting me hard lately. My parents are aging. I'm not dealing with it very well. My own personal life is in such turmoil, I feel that I need them more now, than I did when I was younger. I'm not ready for them to age, I feel as though I still need their parenting. Can you relate?
I just got back from the ER with mom. I wanted to cry on the way home, and honest to God, the sting was in my eyes and the tears wouldn't come. Of course, now that I am in front of the computer, my tears flow like a river. I must cry through my fingers. I spent the day with mama, till time for Stephen to get home, and then daddy called me at 5:15 and said her pain was even worse than when I was there & he was taking her to the ER. I met my brother there at 6 (he's the one beside me in the above pic & of course the lovely couple on the left is our parents) We followed mom and dad home from the hospital, and I made coffee and supper for Randy and Daddy. Mom sat there, moaning with pain, yet, managed to tell me how to do everything. Mom cried today in front of me for the 1st time since mamaw died. My whole life, I've seen my daddy break down and cry more than mama. I have learned that she is JUST LIKE ME! She cries when no one else is around. I am a private griever, myself. I sometimes cry while I write. One time, mama didn't know I was watching, I watched her cry while she played, Amazing Grace on the piano. That was shortly after Papaw died. I imagine she was remembering how she played piano in church, while Papaw preached the word of God. Anyway, I know I am rambling and subject jumping (Trish & SloMo:-) I do this more when I am tired. Stephen was already sleeping soundly when I got home tonight. I went in & kissed him, he let out a long sigh. I then took some meds for my own pain and came in here to get this out. I feel better now. I'm not crying anymore. Another thing I learned after scanning the above photo. We've all aged! The picture was taken on June 23, 1990 on my brother's wedding day. I've learned that time slips by before you know it Especially your parent's time.
12 comments:
What a beautiful family picture. I'm sending a prayer to help ease the pain that you and your Mom are experiencing.
What a beautiful family picture. I'm sending a prayer to help ease the pain that you and you Mom are experiencing.
That is a wondeful photo, Mia. Your mother is a strikingly beautiful woman. I am sorry about all her pain, my own mother has been suffering from a slipped disc for years. Ours is the sandwiched generation, expected to take care of our aging parents as well as raise our children. It is tough, physically, mentally and spiritually; I totally empathize with you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Aww Mia, beautiful entry honey. Very much on track :) I only remember seeing my mom cry a few times. And my dad, only once. Let the tears flow Mia. I'm sorry your mom is ill and in pain. You're a wonderful person to show up the way you do. Remember to take care of yourself. -- put your oxygen mask on first ::wink:: Love you!
ahh, your so darn cute.
I know what you mean. my parents are aging..and I am beginning to think about it constantly...life without my mom? unthinkable. I don't like to cry in front of people either, I'm a closet cryer... sometimes when I write I don't even realize how sad I am about certain things until it start to flow from onto my journal, or paper. writing is good.
peace be to you mia and your family as well.
I understand. I too grieve in private. Enjoy your mother as long as you can. I still reach for the phone to call her and she's been gone since 97.
{{{{Mia}}}} This was a beautiful entry. I think it's even harder to see those who have been so tough and strong show a bit of weakness, show their fraility. But, maybe through this you can see a different side of your mom, a time for you to draw closer. :-) ---Robbie
It's so true. My mother has severe muscle, joint, and bone problems and will probably be bed-ridden within the year. Everytime I visit her - which is usually daily - I notice a little something else missing. What's most difficult for me is knowing that she's still so young [and so am I] and we may not have the time together like I always imagined we would when I was little. ::sigh::
Subject hopping... you're the best!! :) LOVE YOU!
It's still hard for me to understand sometimes that I'M supposed to be the mommy now. I still like being 'mothered.' So, yes, Mia. I can relate. I'm so very sorry your mom is experiencing so much pain. {{{Hugs to you}}}
Love,
bridgett
I'm so sorry that your mom is ill. I tend to be the same way Mia,
I cry when I type, I cry when no one is around.
I hope your mom feels better and you too. Love you my dear friend.
Love, Penny
my father died recently ..my mother quite awhile ago...but there has always been times when i needed "mothering" as i'm sure the feeling of needing my dad will always surface from time to time... i think these thoughts that some of us have stronger than other's are a tribute to what good and influential parents we've had and a reflection of the people and parents we've become...
{{{{{Mia}}}}} I know it hurts you to see your mother in such pain and to realize that your parents are aging. I know you treasure your time with them. I lost my father the summer I graduated from high school. I lost my mother 11 years ago just 3 months before Ikenna was born. I miss them both , think of them always and dream of them often. Spend as much time with them as you can, Mia.
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