Getting to know me...
Digging through an old box under my bed this afternoon, I found a very old journal of mine. (I've been keeping one since I was in elementary school) I wiped the dust off of it, sneezed and coughed a little and realized why I've been waking up, sneezing and coughing every morning. Also in the box, a picture dated 1991. Oh, gosh..the big hair made me LOL! I turned it into a sketch as if I could somehow "hide" the old me that way. Also found a poem that I wrote way back then. You'd really have to know me to understand. Still, public journaling is about needing to be heard. At the time I wrote this, I wasn't really being "heard." I was finally hearing myself. I think we all do around a certain age. The poem is kind of silly, reading it now. I've been through so much since then. I thought those days were hard! If only I had known how much harder things were going to be. Well, it's a good thing I didn't know.
She lives life like there is no tomorrow -
Making decisions on a whim
considering not, the pain or sorrow…
Cool, calm, collected - Once upon a time
Where is she now?
Living in the land of the blind
I see her slipping away; I scream, “turn around!”
Maybe she has to lose herself… before she can be found
You picked a fine time to walk on the wild side…
Where is that cool, calm and collected woman now?
…She died….
Foolish woman, don’t cry - it’s too late
The life you are living is your self-made fate
20 comments:
I don't think your poem is silly at all Mia. It was just what you were feeling at the time. I think that throughout our lives we go through or experience things that we can't believe we made it through and look back later and think that compared to where we are now maybe it wasn't as bad then as we thought. I still see you peeking out through the big hair and don't see anything needing to be hidden. Thanks for sharing a piece of your past with us Mia. Hugs to you and Stephen
~RC~
Wow - 1991. So much then - so much now - so much in between. I'd love to see the original picture of the "sketched" image up there. I think we ALL looked like that in the early 90s. :) The poem isn't silly at all - deep meaning. Like you said, finally hearing yourself. Thank god for pen and paper! Great chance for self-reflection, going through the dust to get to clarity. :) xo
I think even I had nearly that much hair around 89-90-91! lol...
Thanks for your comment re: the flags... There's enough neck to hug ; ) ~ and you may!
I don't even want to IMAGINE what I looked like in the 90s with big hair, much less hunt for pictures, lol.
This is actually a good poem, Mia. I see a bit of rebellion and impatience. Something we all felt when we were young. Your journal must've been a wealth of memories when you opened it. I know mine never fail to bring me back to the past. =P
Hey Mia :) The poem felt kind of dark and angry to me, maybe it showed also confusion. Thinking to stir another's persons feelings is what poetry is all about. It seems as if you've been looking for you for a long time. Maybe you've hit both extremes ... the one who didn't want to care and the one who does so much caring for others. We vote you continue looking in the middle to be caring for self! Our love Ayn and all
RC-Thanks for your words of wisdom :) My daddy calls what we go through before something even bigger happens "the training grounds" Getting us prepared for bigger battles. Oh, honey...the one thing I am concealing in the sketch is my heavy eye makeup! Whoa! I was trying to hide behind it, I think.
armandt-You are so welcome! And I would, if I could :) Ahem...hard to imagine you with big hair! :P I'd pay to see a picture of that, LOL
Freee-Now, you have a copy of the original. :P scary, huh? lol! Yes! Thank God for pen and paper! I need to get back to that type of journal too. Since aol-J..I've slacked off. "going through the dust to get to clarity" <~ I like that!
Muse-The thing is, I bought tons of clear, plastic shoe boxes for the photos that I have scattered. It's been a scary thing to face. Yes, I was going through a very rebellious stage at that point and I've always been impatient. I wouldn't take a million dollars for my old journals. When I get old, I'll have something to remind me, who I am. (like the notebook, by Sparks) I hope...
Ayn-I always look forward to see what you have to say. I really enjoy your feedback and I think you nailed this on the head. I haven't thought of it that way. I'll try to look in the middle, like you say. Thank you :)
I love this poem...it reminds me alot of some of mine from my teen years. I wrote alot about being hurt, about loss, about death.... Sometimes I cringe when I go back and read them, because now I can't relate. But I keep them, because they are a part of me & who I used to be. You are heard now, dear Mia...
Song-I know exactly what you mean. We wouldn't be who we are if not for that defining stage in life. The things I write now, are filled with a lot less rage, and pain, and filled with more love and gratitude. (thank goodness) Yes, I am heard now! Sweet, Freedom! :)
Mia - you've got your picture... check your mail. :)
Darlin', you're amazing. The photo manipulation is more telling than you think... we see you, hear you, know so much about you through your writing. You were a great writer then and you're a great writer now!
Armand-I got the picture. I'll steal a phrase from SloMo, "rawrrr!" You deserve so much more than a happy meal toy :)
SloMo-I should've known "you" would see through all the black, white and gray. I think RC did too. You always have been able to read between the lines, and see what lies beneath. Thanks too for your compliments on my writing. Love ya!
Funny, how one line someone writes can affect you. Here you have a great poem and a cool picture and the line that stands out to me has nothing to do with either. "public journaling is about needing to be heard." <--- It's this line. Wow! I never thought of it that way. Thanks! :-) ---Robbie
There is no "hiding" YOU, my dear Mia!
You are beautiful, in a sketch, in a picture, for REAL!
I love that you made the pic into a sketch, how did you do that? By computer or by hand, I think it's lovely!
And the poem, oh my, boy can I relate to that. It speaks to me, it really does.
Love you, Penny
Penny-haven't we ALL been there? I only wish I had gone through this when I was 16 instead of 25. I'm one who has to learn the hard way. I just used the art option in my photo editing program. I'm sure most of them have that option... It's fun to do!
Robbie-thanks ..Actually I got those words from Freeepeace :)
beautiful........
:) it is interesting to find an old journal, in a haste I threw all mine away, I too kept them since I was in elementary school and its gone now. And really for me it was one of the best things because I can forget to a degree about all lose little emoitons on a day to day basis and live with what I have now. I think the picture is neat thou :) and a good poem/entry :)
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