I've been unable to update :( It is really storming out tonight. I tried to post last night and gave up and went to bed. I have TEN update notifications in my mailbox of journals that I have asked to remind me when they are updated...and I'll try my best to get to them tomorrow.
I haven't mentioned this yet because I had hoped it would go away..but my health is getting weak again. I noticed last week that I was having fever again in the evenings, but nothing that a couple of Advil couldn't handle. This week, I have had to double over into a fetal position on several different occasions with stomach pain. I've battled endometriosis since I was in my early 20's. I've had surgery 4 times, and undergone about 4 other procedures. It always returns with a vengeance. As I type this, I am having fever with chills. I feel like I have the flu. Evenings are always the very worst because I'm unable to get rest that I need during the day. Today, I wasn't able to get much done because I had to keep taking breaks and by the time I finally began to make a difference with my mountain of laundry and paperwork, it was time for Stephen to come home. If my house is a mess, my head is a mess. I can't even *think* if I have to look at a pile of laundry or dishes in the sink. Right now, as I try to type this entry, there is a pile of books, cd's and loads of paperwork on my desk, staring me in the face. My husband calls me "article" woman and ABC girl. I save interesting articles in files and throw away my magazines (I used to keep the magazines until I ran out of hiding space.) Another sick thing I do is, I try to keep things in alphabetical order. Like our movies are divided into categories and then alphabetized (I just started doing that) and my spices in the spice cabinet are also in alphabetical order. I've been doing that for 20 years. It just helps me to find what I'm looking for a lot faster that way. Think about it, when you shop for groceries, the spices are in alphabetical order. When you rent a movie, they are in order..Makes sense to me.
Well, maybe this fever is frying my brain. I really feel like I am rambling on tonight. My journal has been acting funky since yesterday. I couldn't add the pictures I wanted to for my American Idol update. I wanted to talk about that. I also wanted to talk about the other show that came on after Idol, that I said I wasn't going to watch (The Swan) ..then became interested in it because it was on while I was packing Stephen's lunch. I don't mind telling everyone..I am very emotional these days and I cried while watching both shows. Every time a contestant is voted off of American Idol, I cry for them. It's sad to see that crushed look on a young person's face, as they try so hard to smile instead of cry. Then, the swan wasn't near as superficial as I was thinking it was going to be. I could relate to this show in two ways. I've done my share of makeovers.. just makeup and hair and a pep talk, which helped improve someone's self-image, outlook and appearance. And I now find myself really needing one of those makeovers! Stephen has been one heck of a makeover for me. I feel better on the inside now that he is in my life. But, boy does it show on the outside, every mile of it shows! I'm beginning to care less, and I don't know if that is a good thing, or a bad thing.
It is after 10:30. I promised myself that I would be in bed before midnight tonight. I am meeting some people for breakfast in the morning. Remember Stephen's bus driver that I told you all about? She will also be there and we all wanted to do something nice with her. By the way, she's doing okay. She is like me..she has to stay busy or the depression will take over. I must say one more thing before I close, speaking of depression. Since I have started public journaling with AOL, I am a new person. I have a circle of friends here that I wouldn't trade for anything, and I'm meeting new people every day. I feel so blessed tonight as I sit here at my "messy" desk. I sit here with chills, till my teeth are chattering..but my heart feels very warm and cozy, thinking about all of my AOL-J pals and my offline friends and family. Remember to keep my health in your prayers. Thanks and God Bless!
16 comments:
I too watched the show swan. I was impressed myself. IT was very touchng. Glad for the winner but very sad for the looser though she did get something out of it. I too have horrible cycles and I know the double up pain feeling. Its like your wholebody trembles. Its just like nothing you can describe. Huge clots and other problems. I pray you find relief. We found some help via holistic avenues. Black Cohosh and sea weed and idodine and that our body normally needs. If I can keep on to p of htat stuff it does help> I have a midwife OBGYN. shes very helpful. Sorry you cant post or get on the pics you want. HOpe that works out soon foryou. Lori
I hope you are feeling better. Those 2 photos of your parents are really nice. So is your story.
I will keep you in my prayers. Some one who went to our church sufferd from the same thing and the doctors hand told her it was real bad and she must have surgary. Her and her husband prayed the night before for her to be totaly healed and they believed God would do it. When she got out of suragry they told her it wasnt nearly as bad, infact it was about half of what they had org seen on ultrasound. She hasnt had any trouble with it since. So tonight I will be praying for your total healing too. \o/
Much Love,
Mary
Aww Mia - why didn't you mention any of this in our conversation tonight? Honey, there's room for it all. I'm sorry you're struggling with your health. But I'm glad you mentioned it here. Take good care of yourself. It's so important.
I'm half-writing an entry about The Swan. I'm thoroughly disgusted at our American culture. And at the same time, I was weeping at the end. Then again, I'm a sap!
Wait. Alphabetizing your CDs and movies, I can understand. But you actually take the time to cut out articles from magazines and file them? THAT's dedicated organization! :)
Now, rest up. Love you! xo
((((((((((Mia))))))))))) Hey Sweetie. I am so sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts and hope that you feel better soon. Just get as much rest as you can Mia. Do what you can and you know: Let the rest work itself out. You'll get everything done but you have to pace yourself and only do as much as your body will allow.
I too watched "The Swan" and I swore to myself that I would not but like you said it was not as superficial as I thought either. It does seem sad though to know that we live in a society where women cannot feel good about themselves regardless of how they look or without surgery. But I still think to feel really good about yourself it has to come from inside. But if it makes them feel better I guess it's nothing wrong with that. I hope you feel well enough to enjoy your breakfast this morning. I will be thinking of you. Hugs to you and Stephen,
Much love to you, ~RC~
Dear Mia,
I'm sorry you are feeling poorly. I hope that when you read this you are feeling better. I know how hard it is to have tons of stuff to do, and physically and emotionally you just don't have the strength for it, but manage too anyway. And I totally relate to how you feel about your journal friends and how they help you feel better. I understand that very well, because without all these wonderful people, I think I would have lost it again.
I love you, Penny
Get Well, That's an order! Well, maybe not an order but, Get Well! Bill.
Oh Mia! I am so sorry to hear your health is acting up again. I thought that the solution for endometriosis was to get pregnant???? You've been pregnant. So, what gives? Can't they do more for you? It just doesn't seem right that you should have to suffer so much in this day and age. I'm glad that you at least feel good on the inside even if you don't feel like you do look it on the outside. However, I don't agree. I think you are beautiful!!!
BTW: I do the same thing with organizing my magazine articles, movies and spices. But, I do it topically. I keep interesting articles in a notebook and sort it by topic. Movies are sorted by drama, comedy, etc. Spices are sorted based on use, i.e. baking or savory cooking.
::::hugs:::: ---Robbie
Wrap yourself in a great big hug and feel the healing warmth coming your way. Feel Better SOON!
Thanks for stopping by for a visit. I'm glad to have met you. I like your journal and will be back regularly to see how you are doing and what you are up to.
Deborah
(((Mia))) I hope this get well message finds you feeling better.... I watched the Swan too...and well, truthfully the whole concept creeped me out a bit. I had a bit of a makeover my own self. Thought I bought my usual auburn brown haircolor, somehow picked up Spicy Ginger... My hair is now the color of Lucille Ball's...lol... When Sammi saw me she cried, "I don't like orange hair, I like brown...."
Mia - I don't think pains a good thing to keep to yourself ... share it with a doctor friend too, K? It's Easter now and we wanted to wish you a Happy one. We'd like to think that everyone is well at your house and besides church goin there was time to play Easter bunny games ... you know ... hide and seek? We're thinkin you'd be just the best egg colorer. Hehe maybe hide a few in those bundles of laundry so that they serve good purpose too! Sending you all our love and prayers Corey and the girls.
I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling lousy, Mia. You didn't even have to ask...of course I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Just as we comfort you...YOU comfort US as well.
I always love to get your comments in my journal. I can hear that southern accent just in the way you write! LOL
Hang in there! We love you!
yes, mia...you are indeed in my prayers. :)
And I think, any time you start caring less...it's a bad thing. you might not think you care, but you actually do.
don't cover up your outlets, you know, those outlets that bring you happiness, that make you feel good. Don't sacrifice them for the good of others. You still need to be good to you. :) I say these things because I struggle with "paying attention" to myself and needs. I put myself last. It's something that I am working on...moving me up on the list. covering up outlets is the quickest way to get yourself depressed. I read that in a book once. and I never forgot it.
take care, I hope your health improves, I will be thinking of you. :)
Hi pumpkin.. I think AOL-J has changed a lot of our lives. It's almost strange and kinda hokey, isn't it? But I already know so much more about myself than I did when I started. Amazing.
Sorry to hear you've been ill again. My mother and sister, Dawn, both had hysterectomies because of that. My other sister, Jenn, has it too.. but she's trying to have a baby before it gets too bad. So far, I've been lucky. But I can sympathize. ::hugs::
You have such a good heart!! I congrat you on it! I still hope that you feel better soon :)
Mia, I'm so behind in reading your entries--I'm still catching up with my journal reads after the whole Top Five fiasco--but I will sit here until I read everything I've missed.
I'm so sorry you were ill. I hope you are feeling better nowadays. Do rest when you can.
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