Hello friends. Just an update to let you all know we are still here. Things have just been so, super-busy. Late summer and early fall is my busiest time of year. This is the time of year that Stephen has to go to all of his follow up appointments with his doctors. Naturally, my health appointments seem to fall on this time of year as well. The beginning of school year always has it's ups and downs. Stephen has already missed a whole week of school because he caught a head and chest cold, which triggered asthma symptoms. Last week, I caught his cold. His dad is coming down with it now. His dad and I have been really lucky up until now. This is the first time in about two years that we got a cold that was this bad. Bad enough to need bed rest with it. All week long, I've been catching myself falling asleep during the strangest times. Like, standing up, or folding laundry! I must be half dead. My doctor called with some of my test results and said that I am still anemic and she phoned in some supplements for me. If only I could remember to go to CVS to get them. I've been anemic for 3 years now and she isn't happy that I am not eating right, or doing anything right, health-wise. I've lost 7 pounds since last year. I "look" bad. I feel tired 24 hours a day.
I wasn't going to mention this, but I'll go ahead. We just got back a few hours ago from The Children's Hospital. Stephen fell out of his bed at 4:00 this morning and started having seizures. This is the second time this summer he's had to go to the hospital by ambulance with seizures. June 2nd, three days before my parent's 50th anniversary party, he started having seizures at 6:30 AM. The reason - - I had forgotten his meds two days in a row. I felt like the worst parent in the world. I went to Walmart and bought a pill box with the days of the week on it, to help me remember his meds. No seizures at all since I solved that problem. This morning, while riding in the back of the ambulance with him, I told the paramedic that story and how I believe I'm going to have to up his dosage now because he has gained a little weight, I assume he has outgrown the dosage amount. Even the ER doctor, and the neurologist agreed with me. After we got home, Stephen didn't want to eat. Finally, about an hour later, he was hungry and when I was feeding him, I got his pill box to give him his meds and ... guess what I found? Friday's box was still full. Yeah, even with the daily reminder, I forgot yesterday's dose. That is the second time this summer that he has had seizures. The second time this summer, he's had to ride in an ambulance. The second time, he came to, scared and confused after having the seizures and had to spend several hours in the emergency room. Why? Because his mama is too stupid and absentminded to remember his meds! It's a good thing I didn't become a nurse. I can't figure out if he fell out of bed because he was having seizures, or he had seizures because he fell out of the bed. The poor thing was face down when I went in the room. His mouth was bleeding. I don't know if he bit is tongue from the seizure or the fall. I guess the order in which these things occurred are not important. But they are to me. He has a bruise above his eyebrow and one on his shoulder. Every bit of it comes down to one thing. I messed up. I've noticed that my memory is getting really bad. I mean, REALLY bad lately. I can't even remember simple words. How to spell simple words. My telephone number. What day of the week it is. I've been tired a lot of the time. I feel depressed. Hopeless. Angry. Mostly at myself. I feel like the conscious part of me is outside myself, watching the forgetful me take over and no matter how hard I shake myself and yell, "wake up!" I keep fading away. My head hurts almost 24 hours a day. I guess I'm just tired and stressed. Like most parents.
Anyway, the important thing is, Stephen is fine now. He's had his medication and is watching Dora the Explorer and smiling big as always. He's so happy. I don't deserve the love that little boy gives me. One nice thing happened, though. He hugged me and said, "Mama" plain as day! Usually, he says, "umma." Slowly, his speech is improving. I know he understands much of what we say. That is something to build communication on.
I'll try to update soon. I didn't even have time to sign on and vent like this, but I made time. We're in the middle of remodeling Stephen's bathroom, and that is also taking some extra time. One of those stop and go projects. We hope to have it finished soon. We still have to buy a new tub and replace his sink with a pedestal sink. Then we'll finally be finished. Can't post pics of it. The camera was dropped and broken :(
I am making journal rounds very slowly. If I haven't been to your journal in a while, you now know why. I promise I'll be by as soon as I can. Just keep the coffee warm for me. :)
10 comments:
Hope your still scetching. I m sorry to hear about Stephen. You sound like you need a Rachael. she got her CPR training and is going for CNA this spring. Shes enjoying watching Josh and Brandeen. But five hours a day is not alaways easy adn I can tell hses tired too. Upon to p o f her schoool work. But she loves them so much. Dont feel too bad I mean you got so much on your mind. Talk to your husbanad get him to ask you and check the the pill box daily to make sure you keep upwtih things. I have been aniemic all my life. Hardly been a time I am not. Its bad. I had a root pulled out this week that the old dentist left in and let m e tell you nothing like a swolen jaw that looks like you got a chaw of tobbacco in your moouth and trying to wear your dentures on top of that. !!!!!!! man its sore. It seems like alot of J landers are going thru deporession and overwhelemed. Please take some time for yur self and a bath and relax at night. I fell aslept at the wheel one time. I always htough MAN how does someone do that. till it happend to me. !!!!!! woke up in time but it can be dangerous. DOnt do that so get some rest. Glad to hear stephen is prospering and learning. Did you take the teachers job at his schoool ?????? Lori
The coffee's always on, and you've got an ear ready to listen here when you need it. Take care of yourself.
Sounds like you've been busy. Sorry to hear about Stephen's seizures.
Oh my gosh Mia, please take care of yourself. I know that Stephen depends so much on you. Don't beat yourself up too much. We moms have all done things that we feel guilt over. I can still remember a few...some funny, some make me want to cry. Lisa
My gosh sugar plum you sure are hard on yourself. Your plate is heaping full and still you add more on. Come on up to Wisconsin, I'll watch over that sweet child while you have time off each week for yourself. You know there is a possibility of clinical depression when the stress gets to be too much. I have felt that feeling of being separate as if a glass is between you and the rest of the world. You must be kinder to yourself, you must do something special for yourself each day. I'm sorry to hear you've been sick and hope you are feeling better when you read this.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are juggling the world with just two hands. The main thing is, you got him the attention he needed and he is doing well.
Give yourself a hug, you're a great Mom!
Yah!!! I was starting to worry about you!! We've all had that chest crap this week - just trying to get over it. So I can definitely relate. As to Stephen's seizures and your forgetting his medicine, please don't be so hard on yourself. I try to imagine myself in your shoes and I don't know how I would do it. You have so much on your plate and everyone knows how much you love Stephen, that you would NEVER put him in harms way on purpose. We love you and support you. Maybe if you do his pills at the same time each day - like during breakfast or just as he's getting up in the morning - then it will become more of a habit? Either way... ::big hug::
Good luck with the bathroom remodel! And thanks for updating. At least we know now that you've just been really busy - more busy than most of us can imagine. We still miss you!! LOVE YOU!!
Just starting to read your journal...... so sorry to hear of Stephen's seizure, dont worry, just because you forget doesnt make you a bad parent...... Stephen knows you love him. Yucky with the cold thing. In iowa we havent been lucky enough to catch that bug yet..... (knock on wood) Just know that things always have a way of working out.... have faith.
Sarah
http://journals.aol.com/luckyaugustgirl/LifeorSomethingLikeIt
Mia,
Sweetie, don't beat yourself up like this! You would never intentionally forget Stephen's medication. Everyone knows that. Maybe you should ask your husband to help you remember, or even ask a friend to remind you. I'm sure it was so scary finding him in the floor like that!
Sweetie, you won't be any good to Stephen or anyone else if you dont take care of yourself. Now as a nurse, I order you to get thyself to CVS and get your medication! And start eating better! Lots of greens! They are full of iron!
What a dear precious person you are Mia. I just love you to pieces.
-Connie
awww. mia. I feeeeeel soooo bad that I didn't comment here. I'm soo sorry.
you know. depression and anemia are known causes for memory loss. I get that way all the time. the more depressed I get ( or tired) the more isolated my thoughts become. Trust me, as mothers we have episodes where we think we should be drug away from our children to spare them emotional or mental damage! You are human. I am sure you have already heard this. But, here it again! You are human. lol! Create some outlets for yourself. :D
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