Bittersweet milestone ...
My very, very personal life is one that I do not talk about much.
It's too complicated. My journal is an escape from my complicated life.
That being said, I'll speak of only one layer: Our evening out last night.
Earlier in the week, I asked my mama if she would baby-sit Stephen for us so we could for the 1st time in at least two years celebrate our anniversary. This was the first year in a long time we even remembered, or chose to remember our anniversary. She agreed, as long as we could be back to pick him up by 7:00. Yeah, you heard me right, 7:00 PM. [That explains a lot!]
This was our 2nd date night since the middle of December! We had dinner at O'Charley's. We even beat the early-bird senior citizens to the restaurant! They started to arrive around 4:15. We had the usual conversation, it went something like this:
What are you going to order?
Hm, dunno. You?
Dunno. I think I'll have the ribeye.
I think I'll have the grilled shrimp.
How's your steak?
Fine. How's your shrimp?
Fine.
[I sure wish she'd hurry with the check already, before we explode from this invigorating conversation! I mean, I just don't think I can take the excitement much longer!]
As I quietly chewed, I became fixated on a couple who were well into their 70's. They were seated behind Stephen's dad, so I had to strain my ears to hear their conversation. [yeah, I know. But I've always been nosy] So cute, they were. The man slowly guided the woman to their seat with his hand at the small of her back. He held her hand softly as she sat down. He then seated himself, adjusted his bifocals and started to look the menu over. They also asked one another what he/she was going to have. But there was a different tone. A tone of affection. I could see the man's face, but not the woman's. Her back was facing me and all I could see was her hair which had been freshly shampooed and set as most women of that age do once a week. I had a clear view of the gentleman. I admired the way he adored his wife. The way he looked at her with years of appreciation while giggling and discussing their grandchildren. They were not struggling for words, they were engaged in conversation. I found myself longing for what they have, but I was filled with disbelief that we'd ever reach a point that we would hold one other in that regard. I began to wonder, have they always been this way? Or is this something that comes after years of knowing hard times together, and overcoming those hard times together? That's got to be it. I pray to God that is true.
I heard Stephen's dad say, "What is it?" I shook my head and said, "Nothing. I was just admiring that couple behind you." I then decided to take a good friends advice and I started going back in time and remembering the man I met all those years ago. Something had to cause a spark in the beginning. Is it still there?
What attracted you to your partner? For me, it was the ability he had in making me laugh. He made me laugh without effort. He still has a "Jim Carrey" sort of way of making me laugh, even when I don't want to.
After a while, I started saying things like, "Remember that time...." And before I knew it, we were laughing and talking. Then next thing we knew, it was time to pick Stephen up from my parent's house.
We brought him home. Bathed him, brushed his teeth and all of the other bedtime routine stuff. I played a computer game with him that he believes he is supposed to play every single night before going to bed.
After I told him good night, I closed the door and walked into the kitchen to make a glass of iced tea. I heard the front door open and heard my husband of 12 years say, "It's a nice evening out. It's kind of cool, but nice. Do you want to come out here and sit on the porch with me?" I was planning on coming in here and surfing J-Land, but said, "Yeah, I'll be right there." He had 2 candles lit and a light blanket was waiting in my chair for me [I get cold easy]. We stayed on the porch and talked and laughed and then talked some more until 11:30. We blew out the candles, came back in the house and checked on Stephen one more time before going to bed. We looked down at him, and then at each other and smiled -- knowing, he is the best thing we've ever done together. Maybe someday we'll be like that couple. Maybe, we are on our way there right now....
17 comments:
conglation on 12 year the best gift you two have is stephen and many more years to of marry life chris
Congratulations on your anniversary. Marriage is such a difficult, complicated thing, and good ones take so much effort,so much conscious appreciation of each other. It does feel good to be on that journey to becoming that older couple, doesn't it.
That is so beautiful. I know how you feel mia, that brought tears to my eyes reading it. Stephen is the most beauiful thing that you all will have but there can be other beautiful things, And I do think its beginning for you two. :)
Christina
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Awwwwwwwwww, sweet story :)
Danielle
That sounds like Todd and mines eveenings. Only he has a bath and bubbles and beer for me or a margurita as time allows. for me at tnight. We close the door and the rooms is ours alll ours. Thats our romantic evening. Happy anniversary. Todd and I are 16 and half years. Lori
Wow. That was sure nice and romantic what your husband did for you...inviting you outside with him on a cool night...giving you a blanket so you could be warm.
I think that is cool. I think it is cool that you began taking each other down memory lane at dinner. Good job.
Marriage is not easy, it is hard. But there are the fun times too. I know there have been many times I thought that romance was suppose to just flow during anniversaries. But it didn't. In fact it ended up being a big fight more than once. But those fights helped motivate us to see each other more clearly and help make the day better for each other in the future. I use to think that anniversaries were the days when my wife fixes me a very nice meal. One time I asked her to fix me a good meal on our anniversary. She became very irritated. I was persistent. Then she said, "okay, we will fix the meal together, ok?" After much irritation, I agreed to help her fix dinner. I had no idea how long and emotionally wearing it was until I helped make the dinner. I have never asked her to make a meal on our anniversary again. I guess we can learn from hard knocks.
P.S. Congrats on your anniversary!! I almost forgot!!! LOL
You amaze me. What a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful anniversary entry. If we're all honest, marriage isn't easy. It isn't always romantic and full of laughter and deep conversations. When kids come along, your relationship and talks tend to revolve around the children. I think a LOT of us have questioned whether or not we have anything in common with our spouses anymore, or if we're only staying for the sake of the children, or if things might had been different if we'd gone another direction in our lives. I do believe a deeper love comes with time. And I'm so glad you and your husband were able to have some time for yourselves, even if it did mean a 7 o'clock curfew. [Sheeesh! LOL] LOVE YOU!!!!
Congratulations to you both on your 12th Anniversary~Lisa
Oh Mia, happy [late] anniversary. What a beautiful night you shared. Memories that will last forever. I like to think I'm not much into romance - but as it always turns out, I'm a big sap. So I'm here with tears in my eyes and a big smile on my face. Enjoy these moments. Love to you and Stephen.
Mia,
Gosh...this entry choked me up! Marriage is hard
sometimes...we all know that. As time goes on
we take each other for granted, and it takes a lot
of work to keep the spark alive.
I think you and hubby will be that old couple one day.
I truly do. The love is there, thats for sure.
Hugs to you!
Connie
awwwww
I'm all choked up mia!!
I knew exactly what you were feeling, I've been there. Sometimes it daunting, to be alone together and the pressure to find that old familiar ground, where your comfortable and feeling all lovey dovey. I think it was only after being married for 15 years, that I decided to drop that expectation. And to remember all those feelings that first drew me to him, thing that bonded us together. I realized then, that the feelings were there, I had just thrown a big old blanket of bad times over them. ::sigh::
Yes, your on your way. :D xo
LOL! like slomo i forgot to say
"happy anniversary!!"
I know I'm late.... :p
We were 34 years married on August 8. We had a lot of conflict over that period and even a couple of "OK, we'll call it quits" but, we endured because we always knew in the far recesses of our minds that we should be together. I hope you have the same thoughts. There is no such thing as love at first sight. Love is build through years of surmounting conflicts together. It is an ache for togetherness that comes from many years of learning about your mate. Always give long love many years to age like great wine. My Regards, Bill.
Congrats on your anniversary.... Mia, you made me cry. I think somewhere you lost each other while dealing with the difficulties of taking care of Stephen. Stephen is definitely the best thing you ever did together, but try to remember to take time for yourselves too. (Even if it's sitting out on the porch chatting by candle light).... If there's love there, it's never to late to begin again...
Mia, I've forgotten how wonderful it is to read one of your wonderful heartfelt messages. This one in particular has me feeling all soft and fuzzy. Every day is a new start. This one sparkled and shined. I'm glad you were able to spend the special date with your most specialist friend! Here's to many more happy chance encounters! ::::::::clink, clink::::::::
When you're single you look at married people and think they've got it made, that their life together is just one big happy romantic "Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan" movie --- that there are never any heartaches or bittersweet moments to be had. Thanks for being honest enough to share that real relationships ride a rollercoaster of emotions through the years, and that the demands of life affect the best of relationships. Even after all you and your husband have been through together, you're still trying --- and that says a lot. The candles, the blanket, the front porch --- I think you're well on your way to being like that older couple you admired in the restaurant :) Happy Anniversary!
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